Toosie Slide Off My Playlist, Please

So we’re about a month into this quarantine period, and Drake releases his new single: Toosie Slide. What do we think?

Not much.

Drake, we get it, okay. We know what your formula is by now. You release tracks like your producers are compelled to do so under contract or something. And they sell like hot cakes. But we don’t just want the same ol’ Drake songs (that seem to all be spin offs of the Views album). We want something new, something fresh. Is that too much to ask for?

The Drake Formula

1. Easy, digestible lyrics

Okay, the lyrics to Toosie Slide feel oddly familiar to all us Bollywood fans.
It go, “right foot up, left foot slide
Left foot up, right foot slide”
Basically, I’m saying
Either way, we ’bout to slide, ayy
Can’t let this one slide, ayy

Compare that to this:
Left leg aage aage
Right leg pichee pichee
Aaja yaara lets start ve
Sar ko gumale round
Paer zaara up down
Itni si ye baat ve

All we’re saying is that it’s all too ‘coincidental’. Oh, and Bollywood did it first. (Which is something we don’t get to say too often)

2. Basic Drake Music

We all know how this sounds by now. It’s basic trap . So, Drake got Swiss producer OZ to compose this song, and to be fair, it’s a pretty sick beat. The hi-hats and snare drums flow well with the song’s melody, making it both funky and smooth. Yet, I was bored by it. Ever since Views, it feels like all of Drake’s songs sound the same–when they really don’t have to. It’s 2020, bro. Change things up a bit. If he broke out of the whole trap beat+melody infused with his classic alto voice, there’d be something new to the song.

3. Dancing sells

So the ‘toosie slide’ dance originates from social media influencer Toosie, and then evolved into a dance challenge that went viral on TikTok. Obviously, Drake sniffed a dance challenge from miles away, and immediately saw this as an opportunity to mint the moniesss. Also to celebrate freestyle dance forms etc. etc. Sure. It’s not always about monetizing, it could also be about art.

But the fact that Drake uses ‘Quarantine Fashion’ in the video further makes me feel like this was a whole business idea with poor artistic outcomes. This is what the equation looks like:

Social Media Influencer + Dance Challenge + Quarantine + Free Time + Economic Recession + Trap beats lying around from 2013 = $$$ for Drake!

Listen, and tell us what you think:

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